I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
