I bet he comes in French.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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