Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
