My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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