We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
