What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
