Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
