everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
