hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
