We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
