I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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