hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
