I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
