So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
