Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
