What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
