So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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