Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
