My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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