Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
