New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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