Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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