he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
