I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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