he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
