maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
