I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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