Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
