hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There's always time for handjobs
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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