My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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