what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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