you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
