You smell like stripper and shame
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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