And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
