He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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