i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize