New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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