Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
