I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
