kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
