You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
