I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
