i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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