can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So much rum. So many feels.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
