What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
