need another drink. this is the easiest way
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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