I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
