he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
