***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
