Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
