dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Drake has all the answers
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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