Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
