well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
