SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
