there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
