If that was your dad, he is hot
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
