Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
